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SHELO- A person who knows how to be happy though may be sad. I am a woman, a mother, a daughter. I am loving and caring. I have shattered dreams but I have hope.I have a God who arranges everything for me. I may not have a desirable past, but no one can destroy me and I am still standing. All I want is to be accepted and loved for who I am cause that is Me and That is all I can be.

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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Couple's Corner: Misunderstandings on Marriage

Rodliz’s Nest

It's Couple's Corner day as it's Wednesday! I was not able to join last week due to my emergency pregnancy condition that prompted me just to lie down and rest without opening my laptop for couple of days. Sorry Guys, but I hope I can cope up with you all today. You just don't know how I missed this meme.

Last week you were talking about first year of marriage. Well for us, though we have experienced a lot of hardships when it comes to family issues of my husband's side, the Lord still arranged everything for us in a sovereign way. When we went home to the province the first Christmas when we were already married, I was already pregnant with Alikah- my daughter. We directly went home to my family and stayed there. After few days of stay, Zel decided to bring me and faced his family for the first time after the burning issues of disliking and unwanting our marriage.

The moment was somewhat strange. I felt as if it was my first time to see them , yet I have known them for a long time already. The atmosphere was quiet and nobody seemed to utter a single word. Then Zel finally broke the silence. He cried and asked for forgiveness and told them that we were having a baby, his first child. Then his mother cried and hugged him and hugged me. No words were spoken, but that time I knew was the beginning of forgiveness and acceptance. I thanked the Lord and realized that when a marriage is according to His heart's desire no stony heart can't turn into a soft mud.

So moving on, we'll talk about MISUNDERSTANDINGS...

In marriage, we have to remember that God has set terms and duration of marital covenant: 1. one man, one woman, becoming one flesh and 2. for life.. It’s our starting point. It has to be. God said it. When and if we desire to obey God more than we desire to fulfill our own desires, this one definition would radically affect what our marriages look like.

However, human as we are we are still compelled to do the way as we are. We practically still thrive to follow our own opinion, judgment, philosophies and beliefs opposing most of the time our partners. These are the causes of the main problem in marriage: Misunderstanding.

Zel and Me have plenty of them. We normally fight over small matters as I don't usually subject myself to his perceptions and decisions. I tend to overpower him in matters of the home. For example, he wants to cut down the use of electricity and some unnecessary spending, I would always have my defense on that especially if my personal engagements and choices are jeopardize. There are some instances too that we clash when it comes to financial issues that would lead to heathen discussions that would move on to not speaking with each other and letting the sun set without having each one of us lowered our pride. When he would raise his voice on me, I would not allow myself not to fight back with chains of ill- mannered speaking and hitting words that would really piss him off. LOL. ("hindi talaga ako patatalo").. The result , he would become madder at me and would just walk out when he is still able to hold on his temper. Cause if not, he could really box me by the look of his face. (buti nalang umaalis..) He he..

I admit that I am still short of the deeper understanding of the covenant of love , the way the
the Lord has wanted us to see and understand. I have read a message before that said, our husbands or our wives are our daily cross. They are there to correct us, to transform us and be conformed to the image and likeness of Christ. Each one of us has a lot of flaws and if we do not know how to submit ourselves it would cause a battle inside the home as the battlefield. We should all go back to the vows and the covenant we made on the day we sealed our love in the eyes of the Lord and the Law. We should be here for each other through thick and thin.. that would mean, be one flesh, be one soul, be one spirit. “we should view our marriages like a house where once entered, the door is bricked up and any conflicts just have to be worked out”.

I said God’s terms and conditions must be our starting point. He is the ONLY one that allows for the exception (not US). Never let the sun go down without saying sorry and fixing things with your husband... Always subject your hearts , for the picture that God has reserved to reveal His glory–the picture of eternal covenant between a husband and wife.

Visit Rodliz Nest for more inspiring stories on Couple's Corner.

Happy Thanksgiving to those in the US!!!! The Lord is good all the time....

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Chie Wilks said...

What a very inspiring post sis....nakakaiyak ung niyakap ka na ng inlaw mo knowing na meron na syang granddaughter sau......i am wondering how it feels na ganun makakaharap na ung inlaw tapos hindi nila gusto ung marriage...meron din kasi akong problem sa step sister ng hubby ko..she doesn't like me, ewan kong bakit...

to the misunderstanding's true na we all have flaws kaya normal na minsan meron away kasi ngkakamali tau pero hanggat pwede, ccguraduhin na hindi siskatan ng araw ang away mg-asawa...

chubskulit said...

I experienced those scenes with my parents so now that I am married I really don't want to argue kaya di kami nagtatalo ni hubby lalo na pagdating sa finances kasi malas daw yan eh once you argue over money. But as you said, conflict is unavoidable but for me it can be. Find out how we do it hehehe, without argument..

Nasa Nostalgic Marveling yung entry ko sis.

Mom of Four said...

Napaka inspiring talaga ng iyong story, from the very beginning up to date. I am so glad that the in law situation wasn't at all a problem to me, dati sabi ko sa hubby ko, what do I do, so that your family would like me, sabi niya, BE YOURSELF. so, I don't do extra special for them to like me. Hehehe, kung ayaw ba nila ako eh di wag.

Iba talaga kapag apo na ang pag uusapan, sabi mo nga, walang pusong bato ang di makakatunaw ng putik, tama ba ang aking interpretation??

For the misunderstanding naman, naku eh tama ka, normal naman yan sa mag asawa. Ang pinakaayaw namin ni Rodney pinag uusapan at pinag tatalunan eh Finacial, sensitive ako dyan eh kasi la ako work, hehehe..tapos nagpapadala ako sa Pinas, kaya, medyo kapag topic na, nakayuko nalang ako at lumuluha, although di naman niya ako pinaghahanapan ng pera, Hehehe..

Kiss and Make up tayo next week ha..I love your entry...Hope ok na ang pregnancy mo..

eds said...

Very well said.. kaya like ko basahin ang entry mo marami akong napupulot na aral about marriage.. hayz bakit nga ba tayong mga wifey ang hirap patalo pagdating sa mga away. and pagdating sa bahay at decisions kelangan importante ang ating sasabihin or else magsasama ang balat sa tinalupan hehe..

visit mine here>>

Clarissa said...

Tissue please!!Very inspiring ang first year of marriage story mo dear Mommy Shelo!!Nagyakapan din kami ng MIL ko nung na-accept ako ng FIL ko.About sa misunderstanding naman,normal naman yata na mapag-usapan ang tungkol sa pera--kasi part yun ng everday life natin.

anne said...

I was teary eyed also, buti na lang din na nagkaayos kayo lahat girl. two thumbs up talaga sa hubby mo to to do what he need to do to make all the things right, mag aswa na kau eh so anong magagawa ng mga inlaws diba?

Arvin U. de la Peña said...

kasama na sa buhay may asawa ang di minsan pagkakaunawaan ng kabiyak..ang iba pa nga dahil doon ay naghihiwalay..

Bambie dear ★ said...

inspiring talaga lalo na sa mga makaka-relate sa yo about inlaws. I really really love your story, pweding pang-MMk kasi.

Bout sa di patatalo, same here.. Ganun ba mga pinay? but you know, im trying to control myself na pag may arguments.. parang sawa na kasi ako humaba ang usapan lol.. very true talaga mga sinabi mo..

Anyway, ingat sa pregnancy...wag mo pilitin sarili mo baka ma-stress ka ulit. Just update us when you can =) mwah

Manang Kim said...

As long as the marriage is anchored with God and couples had a forgiving heart we are always on the right track ^_^

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