The heart of a daughter

Sometimes, I may question why Papa has to die so early ahead of us.. If he had not left us, I would not be having this hard feeling over my heart that made me a bit emotional and always fighting back tears to stream down my face.

Papa had left us almost six years now.  Mama is left in the province with my two sons. I and my only sister are oceans apart from her. I have this heavy feeling always thinking of her and how she must be lonely without Papa who used to be her only companion, and much more having us away from her. As much as I want to be with mama but I have to be here because of my job. I have my own family now too and I have to work for all of us. Mama at this time cannot come over to be with us too as she is still connected with the Local Government in our hometown. As she would always say, " Saka na pag mag retire na ako"...

But lately, I am having this heavy heart, could Mama still be with us when she retires from work? A widow of 50 plus, mama is still pretty and charming. She dresses like a young lady and much sexier than her daughters. It's not really a surprise if someone might be interested in her, and in turn may find a way to her heart. And that really is someone found a way to Ma's heart. This man is also a widower with children of his own.

I am not a hindrance to ma's happiness. In fact I have no other prayer but she will be well and always be comforted. There could be no other thing that would make me feel better than knowing that Mama is happy.  However, as a daughter a lot of questions are playing in my head. Would this man love my mama like my papa used to loved her? How about his son and daughters, do they respect my mama and would treat her like their real mother if mama would become their second mother? Over my dead body, I would never ever permit anyone to hurt my mother.  What will happen if they get married? Will our family still be the same? Mama is getting older, it was always in my heart that I will be the one to take care of her when she gets old. Could not this situation be complicated? Another is, my Papa was the best father even to my sons when he was alive, will this man be the same to us and  with my children? I've heard a lot of rumors and they are talking about mama. This really hurts me. My blood rises if I hear anyone mouthing about my mama. For me, whatever mama is doing, she is old enough to think what is good and what is bad. And I am torn of having the right to question her or not. I have a sense that how could I question her, when all she does from the day I was born till now is give the best life she could give to us. Who am I to hurt her by not allowing her to have the one that could make her happy.

Lord you know what is best for your children. I know you will never lead my mama to harm. I believe that if " You are with us , No One Or Nothing could be against Us". Let your will be done Lord. I lift this matter to you. I cannot make my decision for my mama cause I am only her daughter and she is my mother. I am only after her own happiness, but I dont wanna see her having some problems. Lord , please be our guide. This matter burdens my heavy heart. If this man is for mama, let this relationship give glory to you and not be a hindrance to our proper Christian living. Moreover, give me peace in My heart. I love my Papa and I am jealous thinking that Mama would have another man to love. But , let me have a heart to love this man if this is your will. 
TO YOU MAMA , PLEASE KNOW THAT WHATEVER DECISION YOU WOULD HAVE , I AM STILL AT YOUR SIDE. NO ONE WOULD UNDERSTAND YOU MORE THAN US YOUR CHILDREN. I LOVE YOU MA, LET US PRAY MORE FOR THE LORD'S ARRANGEMENT.

AND TO YOU PAPA, PLEASE KNOW THAT EVEN THOUGH SOMEONE WILL BE ADDED TO OUR FAMILY, YOU ARE STILL MY PAPA. NO ONE WILL REPLACE YOU. MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL ALWAYS LINGER IN MY HEART. YOU WILL FOREVER LIVE AND NEVER BE FORGOTTEN EVEN BY MY CHILDREN..